Numb It For Me
by n00b-masta2112
Summary: She was his painkiller, his high.  SnapeLily oneshot.  Previously 'What You'll Be Always'


**I haven't finished Deathly Hallows yet, so there's really not any spoilers, but in may be a tad inaccurate since I'm only halfway done with the final book. So...enjoy my fluff-topped angst! .**

**Disclaimer: -- Of course I don't own Harry Potter, you moron!**

A fifteen-year-old Snape sat in a shadowy corner in an empty classroom, his knees drawn up to his chest. His face was hidden within his robes, muffling the pathetic sounds of his misery. He had just suffered an unusually harsh assault by James Potter and the like, and was struggling to get a grip on himself before facing anybody.

Sitting curled up in that dark corner brought him to think about things no fifteen-year-old wizard should have to consider. His life was one big hollow disaster. He spent quite a bit of his spare time pondering revenge on those who caused him such pain when he wasn't actually being tortured and ridiculed by them. Their taunts and cruel words stung like being slapped, and their jokes burned like a fist to the face. But he couldn't find comfort in anyone. He had no friends. He had to face the inner agony alone. Just like he had to face the rest of the world alone. He had no one. He _was_ no one.

Bearing it all seemed impossible if he favored an outcome including sanity. Very few things numbed the endless torment forced upon Snape by the others. Thinking up ways to get them back didn't quite do it. What he really needed was love. Or friendship, or any act of kindness. Only one person ever showed him the slightest bit of affection, or pity, or whatever it was: Lily Evans.

Her smile gave him some relief; her warm green eyes penetrated his soul and diminished all his grief – even if only for a short while. She was his painkiller; his high.

Snape smiled despite the tears running down his face and off his chin at the thought of Lily. His musings on the fiery red-head momentarily distracted him from the near-silent opening and shutting of the classroom door and light, cautious footsteps nearing the back corner where Snape sat hunched.

He felt a gentle hand on his shoulder and he looked up quickly, trying feebly to mask the obvious fact that he had been crying. And just like that, she wasn't just a thought. "Sev…?"

He looked away from her steady emerald gaze.

Lily lingered for a few seconds, then removed her hand and eased herself into the seat beside Snape against the wall. She stared intently at the ceiling as if there were and extremely interesting ancient rune written there.

After a minute or two of uncomfortable silence Lily said, "Pretty difficult essay in Potions yesterday, huh? Slughorn's got us working like crazy, with O.W.L.s coming up and all."

"I'm sure you did fine," Snape said raspily. "You're Slughorn's favorite. I'm sure he'd never give you a failing grade."

Lily let out an offended huff before Snape hastily added, "Plus, you're brilliant at Potions anyway."

The red-head laughed shakily. "Thanks, Sev."

A delicate curtain of silence draped over them again. Snape took his eyes off a very insignificant spot on the opposite wall and stole a glance over at Lily, who was sill inspecting the ceiling. She caught him looking and shot a grin in his direction. His frozen heart cracked in two and melted. The sensation of realization slammed into him like the Hogwarts Express: He loved this girl.

"Lily –"

"Severus –" she said at the same time. She laughed nervously again and waited for him to speak. When he did not, she took the opportunity. "I just wanted to tell you how happy I am that I know you. You're such a wonderful friend."

Snape's heart froze solid again. Friend.

"Now what were you going to say, Sev?" asked Lily, placing her hand upon his.

He pulled away and turned from her coldly. "Nothing. Forget it."

"Oh…o-okay…" Her quivering voice revealed disappointment.

Friend…

He was no more than her friend, and never would be anything more. He was _just_ a friend. Always.

**Ah-ha! You were expecting him to be her first love always weren't you? Anyway, please review. I'd like to know what you think.**


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